For Widows Only Forum

Hi! My name is Brittany and I have been widowed for almost 1 year-it will be 1 year on May 27, 2009. My husband passed away on May 27, 2008 after a 2 week battle with Leukemia. Well, it was more like 6 months probably but we had no idea he was even sick. From the day we went in until the day he passed away it was 2 weeks and the first 2 days he was fairly coherent and then they had to induce a coma and put him on a respirator. We have 2 gorgeous boys. I am having a very hard time dealing with everything. It seems like I am remembering every detail of the last few days in that hospital room-the smells, sounds, how he looked. I don't know if this will every get any easier. I catch myself getting so angry because my boys have to grow up without their father. Does it ever get any easier? I think the initial shock of everything is wearing off and now I am left in a million shattered pieces trying to hold our family together.

Brittany,

I promise with a lot of work it does get better. I'm into this journey four years now and no longer dwell on those last moments I was with him. My flashback were of walking into the ER. and seeing them trying to revive Garry. That used to run through my mind repeatedly. I begged him to come back to me and prayed to God to let him. I still think of it but that's it. Now I often think of him a smile. Yesterday I was going through some pictures with my daughter and we both enjoyed our trip down memory lane. In time your memories will be remembered with a smile on your face too. Those two little boys will want to know stories of their Daddy and in time you'll be happy to share.

Sue

You just have to hang in there. Time does begin to heal the wound, but the scar will always remain. It has been 3yrs for me now. I was only 25 at the time he was killed, and for a long time I was constantly having flashbacks of the accident, seeing him in the car, hearing him trying to breath, seeing him in the trauma bay after he had passed and laying my head on his chest and not hearing anything. I still have them from time to time, but usually now when I think of him or tell a story about him I find myself smiling and laughing at his silliness.When you start to think of the bad, try to make yourself remember something silly or ridiculous he did or said. That has seemed to help me. I am here if you need a friend.

hi brittany,
I am on may 14,2007
so been at this a little while
how old are your sons? I guess it will be this way awhile the first year anniversary is rough, and I think you are in normal grief, its normal to be angry okay, and its perfectly okay,
its a way of dealing with a sudden loss and unexpected circumstances, and you have been left to pick up the pieces
in ways you did not know you had to do, I think you are a very caring mom loving her sons, but having to deal with the loss
of your special half, and the burden of that can be overwhelming even years later,,
my mom lost my dad when I was 3, and she had 4 of us under 5
back when there was hardly any support, now I think we do have that at least, with fwo and other resources ...
around may is harder, my father in law passed 2 years before my spouse and then him, plus my little grandson was born one week before he passed, I have 2 daughters , one that loves me and the other controlled by her spouse, so its been rough.

I useally go out of town if I can on that day, and spend it doing by going to barns and nobles, or the mall or a movie
to take my mind off of things, it seems to help
and try to replace it with a different memory than the one that stays in your mind, thats half the battle
maybe you and your boys can plan a day at the beach or going
and doing something special together would that help?
I do stop by the cemetary and leave flowers for that day, and then go , its like getting his blessing to continue on

lets see if anyone else has something to suggest as well
hugs to you at this time , and hold on to each other okay...

griefshare.com has daily emails to help
there might be a griefshare group in your areas if you check on the website

as a mom with the full responsibility you might try also looking at parents without partners or something like that online for support too, hope that helps

one day at a time...

feb 17 is the day we had our first date , 38 years ago!