For Widows Only Forum

I am 20 years old and I lost my husband Jan 3, 2006. I had given birth to our first child (Carmen Rose) on Dec 22, 2005. He had gotten addicted to pain pills about six months earlier. On Jan 2 he got off work and came home. I noticed him getting more and more messed up as time went buy, then he was so bad he started crying, saying he didn't want to die and that he wanted to be a good dad, so he needed help. We decided to go to the emergancy room. By this time you could barely understand him and he was drooling. The hospital didn't pump his stomache, give him charcoal, or even a IV. They sent us home with, get this, more pills. I figured docters know best right? Wrong, I woke up at 7 in the morning to feed our newborn baby, to my husband covered in vomit and no pulse. I called 911, and they couldn't save him. I feel like there are about a hundred things I could have done. I have so many questions. I can't accept that I don't get to be with Anthony every day until I die. It breaks my heart that our beautiful daughter won't even have a memory of her father. I just don't think this will ever get better. Carmen is all I am living for. Going from very happy and in love to being depressed and alone kills me inside.

First, I am so sorry for yours' and little Carmen Rose's loss. I know this is very hard for you. And, such a shock. It is so hard when it happens suddenly like that and you can't even say good-bye. That is what happened to me one year and 1 month ago. I lost my husband of 32 yrs. It was so sudden with no warning. I was in shock and i know that you are. You keep coming to this site and talking and venting. It will help you. Take it take by day. Remember, that beautiful baby is depending on you and she will be the reason you will get through this. If you need a friend I am here although I don't come to the site as often, I do stop by and read. Cry when you need to. Get mad when you feel like it. It is hard but you will make it through.

Hang in there. Hugs........

Janie

dear hurting,
I wanted to say I am sorry for your loss, and I am somewhat understanding due to my mom being a young widow with me,
my dad died unexpected due to mixing 2 drugs, and his heart stopping, she was 25, and had 4 of us under 5, I was 3,
and my dad died 3 days before my 3rd birthday.
I guess for a long time even with my mom remarrying and having a step dad it was not the same, but eventually I knew of another father who promised to never leave you or forsake you...
its okay to hurt, for he understands that too
praying for you

dear hurting,
I wanted to tell you its okay to hurt, I still do,
I hurt when I least expect it, and know that somehow its like a scar that throbs when you touch it, thats how I think of it,
were wounded from the loss, and slowly a scar forms, and at different times the scar is just tender, sometimes I lie in bed at night and no matter if there is a show on or what, I hurt
and then I pour it out to God and say take this hurt Lord,
I know you hurt on the cross worse then I do, I also know as much as I miss my husband that he is with you and someday this hurt will no longer be and I will get to be with both of you together for eternity...so its okay to hurt at any time. its normal and right you should hurt because you knew love.
A part of us is gone, and shakes us to the core, we loose a part of ourselves, it amazing people come to the funeral say goodbye and dont realize the next time they see you, they only see you, and even if they say hi, talk to you, the hurt it right there inside of you, he's not here, not with me, see I hurt.
the time the church wants to take photos of everyone for a church directory and I am alone, I dont buy any, I just get the free one and give it to my mom , to keep, I dont want to see me alone, and now that was burned in a fire!
so she has no pictures, at least i have pictures...
that is good. Praying God eases the hurt in both and all of us!

Hi hurting. I was 25 when I lost my husband on Dec. 15th 2006. It was a car accident that I saw happen, I was following him home and he was falling asleep at the wheel. I feel so much guilt as you seem to because I actually got out at the two stoplights we were stopped at and tried to get him to pull over because I knew in my heart something terrible was going to happen. I begged him, but I didn't use any force and yes I could have overpowered him because he was a small man and I am athletic and was stronger than him. Why didn't I just hit him and reach in and grab those keys, why didn't I reach in and just yank him out? We can torture ourselves with the "what ifs" for the rest of our lives, but that is only going to hurt us and not help in any way. You and I both know our husbands do not want to see us blaming ourselves for these things and living in anguish(even though we can't really help it can we?) They LOVE us (not lovED)and want us to live For them and they will live through us, and your beautiful baby. I am here if you need to talk.