For Widows Only Forum

Has anyone had this problem in con
nection with their spouses death?
I suffer still over 4 years. I mean a color or a smell can
set off the flashbacks.He died a quick death.

Rainknots:
the one thing i learned from reading some of the posts here, is that there is no set time as to when we aren't affected by the death of our husbands...it would be nice, because we could then look at the calendar and say, ok, by such and such a date, i will be all better...sometimes i think i am doing very well, and boom, something is said, or a song comes on, or a movie we watched, and i am back at that sad place again...it will be two years for me in february...hard to believe that it has been that long.....this is a good place to see that what you or i are feeling is what most of the ladies are feeling here...its nice to read that we all go through this journey, but at our own pace....four years, four days, four weeks, four hours....no matter the time, it still is a "stupid" situation.....Keep your chin up....God bless....rlb

I was dx'd with PTSD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) roughly 6 months before my husband died, even though we know I suffered from these conditions a lot longer than that - Suspecting, at the very earliest it began in mid/late 2001, if not earlier.

Gary was my rock. He helped me through those times when I was hit by the flashbacks or the anxiety attacks without a word of complaint. He thought nothing of getting in trouble at work if it meant my happiness. He told me, I married you, not my job, and I would do anything for you. And he did.

Times when his job interfered with my need for help or support, he was outraged, and made sure they never ignored my needs again.

Did his death affect my PTSD and GAD. Yes... unquestionably. I have flashbacks all the time, more so now, I think, than before he died. Just the other night, for instance, I was eating dinner in my livingroom, and suddenly was transported back to a time when Gary and I lived in Bellingham and would go eat at Little Caesars on Tuesdays for their $5 pizza special. I don't understand where that came from, since as I said, I was eating at home, and wasn't even eating pizza. It was a bittersweet memory of a time past, and brought tears to my eyes, as so many of my memories, bidden or not, do.

I and my son have been diagnosed with PTSS since the loss of my husband. Our situation may be slightly different as he died in an accident and Andrew and I performed CPR on him and watched the EMT's pronounce him. I think, aside from all of that trauma, the suddenness of the passing could certainly prompt the same response as a traumatic accident, will all of the associated injuries. I will no doubt write about that at some point. I don't know if it will be too much for some people, but it would be helpful to get more of it out in the open.
Anyway, I do believe that post traumatic stress can be a direct result of a sudden loss, it is more than our psyche's can take.

Hi deb250, sorry I am replying to this so late. I missed your post previously. I find your comments very thought provoking. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but then I haven't really gone to anyone for this.

I lost my husband April 2009. He worked out everyday and was healthy. I woke up one morning and he died next to me. I didn't wake up. It had been hours and I still tried CPR. Well, it pretty muched sucked. Anyway, ever since I have had problems with being really jumpy. At first really bad but after 3-4 months it got a little less. That's just one issue, but it drives me nuts. Sometimes when I am driving on a highway and a semi passes, my heart jumps. What's up with that. It never happened before. I drive all the time and it just happened this week again.

I am so sorry for your loss. Unexpected is just another way to become part of this group. I am not certain what I had to pick if I had the choice. Other than I wish it had never happened.

Michelle

I'm brand new to this forum but i zeroed in on the PTSD. My husband died suddenly under shocking circumstances and I suffer from intrusive thoughts, jumpiness, and struggle with detachment and concentration. Adding to this is a sense of shame which I have learned is another part of the PTSD. I have a wonderful therapist and psychiatrist and I would have never believed it but I am getting better. It's not going away, but I am learning to manage it. I can work and drive a car again. It is not easy-very hard work-but I owe it to myself and daughter to limit things so I can work on building our lives.

the most helpful thing besides therapy that I did was limit my contact with people who couldn't accept what I needed or respect what I'd been through. If I had to explain anything more than once they went into the maybe later category.

Don't walk this path alone,

Patti

Hi Patti, welcome to this forum. I hope you find it helpful and come back. I still am not certain if PTSD is what I'm suffering from. It got a lot better and then worse with the year anniversary. Not as bad as it was, but the feelings, imaages, etc. snuck back in. Sleeping doesn't work again, I just don't know.

I hope it goes away eventually.

Well it is still so fresh for you-just past the first anniversary. I was just coming out of the fog of shock and awfulness at that point. My husband was killed July 22, 2007 and it took me two full years before I could drive without my heart pounding and hands sweating.

Maybe you came across something that triggered a return of the memories-your brain stores them in odd places since it couldn't handle them at the time and still keep you functioning. Thats why smells or sounds can bring them back uninvited.

Try to find some qualified professional help-it helps you know you are not crazy.

Patti