For Widows Only Forum

Yes punished. This pain of grieving makes me feel like I am being punished for loving him so much and not wanting him to go. The lonliness is my punishment. Now I know this is really not true but I do feel like this often. Especially when I see others still together and I wonder to myself what did I do wrong???? Is it wrong to love someone as hard as I did? Or did I love him so hard because he wasn't gonna be here as long as I planned...I know this is dumb but this is how my grieving mind thinks...I miss him so.

I say the same thing. Am I being punished for something I did in my life.... and for loving him
so much.. and i feel guilty....too. because if i didnt go to sleep at 20 to 11 on the night he died
I would have know he was in distress beside me...
maybe I could have saved him. but the last words
i said to him were honey are you sure you dont
want to go to emergency. he said no I am ok...
and I said you would tell me right. he said yes...
and so i lay down kissed him said i love you.he said
i love you to me and i fell asleep and then at 12:20 a.m. heard a noise and there he was ..

so i feel as though i am being punished and I feel guilty......

coco

Coco-I firmly believe when it's time to go it's time to go...nothing you could have done to stop it. When your number is up you will die..I don't feel guilty-just wonder why grief and loneliness should happen when we loved so deep. Guess I'll find out when my life is done. Just never expected to lose Jim so soon. I bet he felt the same.

I have felt the same, but not right now. I have gone back and forth, but the feeling of gratefulness for the 20 yrs seems to be more permenant.

It's not fair, he was too young and so was I, but for 20 years (half my life) I had something some people live their whole life without. I have truely loved, I was truely loved. This grieving sucks, but overall, I am very lucky in a lot of ways. (friends, family etc)

Should it have lasted another 20 years - of course, but it is what it is....

wow , you guys are on target tonight in my life as well,
but its more like I wondered what I did to deserve all this in the first place, could I had forseen what was going to happen in his work situation,
the other part is I feel punished by my one set of kids
its like they delibertly set out to hurt me over his death
I get so angry at them and know I need to let that go, and let God, how can they do this with his death, and how could my son in law do this for saying he is following God, I want to ask God what was he thinking of you, or himself, and why did my daughter
believe these lies?
and God comes back and says because the devil is a liar
and the father of all lies, and lies to you about me as well
and wants you to believe the lies that I dont love you
or care for you, but do not be deceived, I am here for you
and your beloved is with me, waiting for you so hold on
to me in thie world, and I want to bless you , not punish
you, it is others who dont know me well enough or feel
my love that are incapble of giving to you
but I am here, I will guide you through this, and I will not forsake you...

so I listen to Him, rather than the lies...


I looked this up and found an article by m. koch
apparently it is a normal part of grief
suppose to focos on the positives,
trouble is I ve gotten so few positives from family members
that I have been drained
if it werent for fwo and my best friend, I know I could not
make it thru this!!!
see we are normal, we just dont feel like it...
hugs.

Hello Ladies,
I just wanted to say that right after losing my Husband, Don, I too felt like I was being punished. While at a griefshare meeting they talked about being mad at God. I spoke up and said I felt like God was mad at me and was punishing me by taking away the one person who was most important to me. I thought I was the only one who felt like that. I try not to dwell on it and be thankful for all the years we had together. I just wanted more, just to retire and spend our time together enjoying our life and spoil our grandkids.
Gerri

Gerri, I felt that same way...and Griefshare was helpful in getting me to see it wasn't true. Interestingly though others in the group shared that feeling, so it also helped to know I wasn't the only one who felt like that.

I'm waiting for the second round of Griefshare sessions to start up soon...I'm going to go again. Some of the people in last Fall's group had been two or even three times before, or more.

Diane in PA

thanks for the encouragement to go to griefshare, just started.